Why Cant I Have a Prostate Orgasm – Prostate Play Troubleshooting

If you’re running into a difficult time achieving a prostate orgasm, know that you’re not alone! Most people don’t get it right out of the gate, and even when they do, it can sometimes be elusive to get back to that place. The key thing is to remain calm and somewhat tactical about it. While there is no way of guaranteeing a prostate orgasm, there are things to look at that can have a big impact on the chances of having one. We need to rig the game in your favor!

Before we get started, a word of warning. Overstimulation and addiction are real things. Some people can become addicted to the sensation or unable to stop the activity. If this is you, put the toys away, wait a month or two (or 6!), and try again when you’re in a better head space. If you are addicted to this kind of stimulation, some services can help.

Below you’ll find a common list of issues, and I’ll do my best to provide context and a guide for working it out.

Click here to learn from scratch how to have a prostate orgasm

• Can’t Find the Prostate: Difficult locating the prostate gland is common.
  • How to find the prostate: Gently insert your middle finger into the rectum, reaching a depth of approximately two to three inches. Once inserted, angle your finger towards the direction of your navel. You should be able to identify the prostate by its firm, smooth texture. Applying gentle pressure to this gland can be enjoyable. It might also induce a sensation similar to the urge to urinate, which is a normal response given the proximity of the bladder.
• Can’t Quite Get There, Inability to Achieve Prostate Orgasm: It can be frustrating not being able to achieve an orgasm through prostate stimulation despite various attempts and techniques. Use this list to help:
  • If you’re experiencing unease, confusion, or shame, you may not be ‘in it’ as you need to be. It takes a lot of relaxation, focus, and breathing to feel the tingles and twinges the prostate starts to radiate. It is very easy to miss it!
    • Make sure you’re not using a toy that vibrates. It will mask these feelings, and you’ll miss it.
  •  Feeling exhausted, stressed, or not 100%? Wait until you’re feeling better.
  • Make sure you’re in a private space where you won’t be disturbed. It can take a lot of time, and anxiety around that can be distracting.
  • If you’re not already in a state of sexual arousal, take some time to become so, avoiding stimulation of the penis. It might be in the form of taking a hot shower, watching porn BEFORE NOT DURING your session.
  • Prepare by cleaning yourself thoroughly, ensuring you are both clean and comfortable before you begin. If you feel like you need to poop, it will hurt the chances of achieving a prostate orgasm. You can either do a full evacuation a few hours prior, then take a shower, or get an enema.
  • Gather any items you might need during a session, such as towels, lubricant, and pillows, to mitigate interruptions and distractions.
  • Generously apply lubricant to your finger or a beginner-friendly toy, erring on the side of using more than you think necessary. It’s better to load up than to go in dry, trust me!
  • Remain relaxed in both body and mind as you begin.
    • I recommend you attempt it with zero external stimulation. No porn, no video, no pictures, no cell phone, no screens whatsoever. Just you and the toy in a dark room so you can focus. The only audio is either quiet, white noise, or gentle music with no words. You can look up a yoga music playlist and use that.
  •  Carefully insert your finger or the toy, making sure to proceed slowly to avoid any discomfort. Take your time and breathe.
• Discomfort and Pain: Discomfort or pain during prostate play means that something isn’t right. It could be due to inadequate lubrication, technique, or using inappropriate toys that aren’t made for prostate stimulation.
• Equipment Issues: Dildos and butt plugs are often used instead of a proper prostate massager, and this could be part of the reason for your troubles. We have a full breakdown of beginner toys available, and I recommend you take a look. These are great alternatives to using a dildo.
  • Butt plug falls out / dildo falls out: This is because these toys are not designed for prostate massage. Get yourself a toy that is designed to stay in on its own, and work hands free. Click here to see toy options.
• Erectile Dysfunction during Prostate Play: There is zero expectation for an erection during prostate massage. It is normal!
• Partnership Dynamics: Seeking advice on how to involve your partners, the best policy is always honesty. It is uncomfortable, but if you present the information, it is up to your partner if they choose to engage with the activity or not. Do not force the issue.