Female Led Relationship – Avoid These Pitfalls

A FLR (female led relationship) is traditionally between a man and a woman in a heterosexual relationship. It is where the woman is in charge both inside and outside the bedroom, but there’s a lot more to it. Let’s dig in.

First, it doesn’t mean that women are better than men. It doesn’t mean that men are better than women. Does that mean she takes control of an accountant’s accounts and starts investing wildly into Bitcoin? No. Does it mean that you’re to give up anything and everything to serve her? No. It merely means you are two sides of the same coin. The man has strengths and decisions to make. The woman has strengths and decisions to make. You are equals but there is a bit of a perspective shift. So what’s the deal?

The male works to serve the woman’s emotional needs outside the bedroom. This is his submission. This means genuinely listening to his partner at all times. Working to make her happy in her everyday life without putting out entitlement to anything sexual in nature. It isn’t a bartering system of trading. It is genuine happiness in making their partner happy.

This is where a lot of guys that aren’t ready will drop off from the page but that is okay and expected.

I am here for the men and women that can resonate with this message. Where the relationship is about the pursuit of the woman and winning her heart because he loves her without entitlement.

If He’s Got His Work, What’s Hers?

So the man is going to take out the trash, drive the kids to school, and do everything he can to be a productive and supportive partner. Certainly, there must be some kind of payoff for the guy… right?

Yes. The other half of this is that the woman must be willing to accept and acknowledge her partner’s sexuality and sexual needs. While it is fully in her power to do what she wants in the bedroom (within reason) the idea is that over time you and your bond will grow. And with that growth, and with your submission both inside and outside the bedroom, that your sexual pleasure will go through the roof. But for all of that to happen, she needs to be willing to learn how to fall in love with your dick and embrace your sexuality.

This is best displayed when the woman feels secure enough in the relationship to tease you as she pleases. 

Example: Your man has been treating you right. He’s not poking and prodding you about doing something you’re uncomfortable with. In fact, he isn’t asking for anything sexual at all. He’s listening, he’s doing the chores you’ve asked, and he’s working to make you happy outside the relationship. While he’s being good, he is secretly praying for you to touch him, tease him, and make him feel WANTED and SEEN.

Get it? It’s a delicate balance, but the hope is you can find that within your relationship where both parties are satisfied.

What Happens When a Man Is Not Sexually Satisfied

Men do things they shouldn’t when they aren’t sexually satisfied. The problem with this statement is that men will never be satisfied in the traditional sense of the word. They will always up the ante. Like when young adults start watching porn they might get off looking at boobs. After a few years, they’ve gone so deep down the rabbit hole that watching cuckold porn and extreme stuff has become the norm that if done in real life that can have horrific effects on a loving relationship.

The question isn’t “what does a man want?” It really should be, “What does a man NEED?”

As the female lead in the relationship… part of the deal might be that his orgasms are now under your control. If you’ve taken that control either with a chastity device, or mental chastity where he is no longer jerking off or masturbating, you are now responsible for his release. And he must have release at some point!

But he doesn’t need all these kinks and fetishes… that is the point. He needs a partner that sees him and his sexual drive as something to be celebrated. He needs a partner that will give him what he needs!

The Surprising Secret To Really Good Sex

Men think they know what they want in the bedroom. They’ll buy lingerie for their partners. They’ll ask for scenarios and situations for their fantasies to play out — while this is what they “want” it isn’t what they “need”.

FLR is the saving grace because it puts the power of the relationship with the woman (we’re talking traditional gender roles here because that is what I know). This means submission inside and outside of the bedroom. Sex and sexual release is up to the woman.

The surprising secret to really good sex is for the woman to gain control of his sexual releases. To own them, responsibly.

This does not mean locking him in chastity forever. This doesn’t mean you locking it and forgetting. As Mistress Alissa wisely said, the extent to which he submits is the extent to which you must care for him.

But when it’s time for sex… After a week or so of making him wait (every man has a different cycle you will need to find yours) when the woman is in control of what and how she interacts with him…. it will be something very special to experience.

Looking To Submit

Submitting outside the bedroom is important because it shows your partner that you’re serious when you say that you want to put her needs and wants first. It shows that you pay attention, you hear her and you will do what you can to fulfill her wishes. Expect this to be less sexual and more like, if she asks you to do something that you do it without an attitude and you get to it quickly enough that she doesn’t need to say it again.

Some things she will surely appreciate…

• Take out the trash and cleaning the house
• Making her life easier by taking on tasks that annoy her
• Making her laugh, keeping things in a good place
• Loving her for who she is
• Taking part in things she enjoys sharing (assuming she doesn’t sigh every time you walk into the room and basically hate you at this point) If she does, chances are you fucked up and need to communicate more.

If you’re able to meet these basic emotional needs, then you can expect some of the kinky stuff to come out naturally. But if you’re missing in action, or dismissive, this might not be enough to fix your busted ass relationship!

Or you tend to put off chores when you know it will make them annoyed or upset, you’re digging your grave!

Using People Is Bad

First and foremost everyone is to blame, men and women. Women might use men for money and men might use women for sex. That needs to stop if you want a successful relationship, let alone a female led relationship. I say this because I don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression that submission means that anything goes.

Men, if your partner is trying to use you for your money and expects you to pay for everything… that is usury and not a female led relationship.

Women, if your partner is hammering you with sexual requests or trying to exchange gifts for sex, that is usury as well.

The whole point is to bring balance to your relationship. It is, after all a two way street. This is not about supremacy, one side of the relationship is no better than the other. We’re all equally fucked up, and I personally think that is a healthier way to go about this.

It is merely that the men are working to better fulfill their partner’s needs outside the bedroom. And the women are working to better understand men, their sex drive, and the necessity of getting off.

What Is Their Biggest Complaint About You?

How can you anyone understand one another if they aren’t actively listening? Communication is KEY. You both must be listening to each other especially where it comes to needs being met. Again, this isn’t about a list of shit you want done in the bedroom.

If you had to guess what their biggest complaint is about you…do you commit yourself to actively work on making it better? Can you communicate this with your partner?

I found an interesting audio book that might be helpful called “I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships“.

It discusses active listening, and how to be more compassionate and empathetic. It is absolutely worth a listen. I would further encourage listening to the audio book as practice! I find that listening helps with better understanding of the concepts since you can hear all of the social cues that would be missed if read on a page. Use this link if you want a free trial, and cancel it afterwards if you like.

Sharing Your Feelings

This is a complicated piece of the puzzle that takes some amount of grace. Remember how I mentioned that using the other person is bad? It stands true. However, if you’ve got a vanilla partner that hasn’t been watching porn for the better part of 5,10,15,20 years chances are they aren’t quite in tune with what you’ve got going on in your head. There will be a major disconnect and she might be surprised at the things you’ve been getting off to.

There is a difference in handing your partner a list of stuff you want done and explaining HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL. I know right? Feelings. Ugh. Who wants to talk about feelings? Well if you want a female led relationship, buckle up cause you’ve got to get in touch with them!

Examples

• You wouldn’t come to your partner looking for sissy training. But you could discuss how you want to feel more feminine.
• You could explain that you watch too much porn and you want help stopping.
• Be forthright with how often you jerk off and why you do it. Perhaps it’s a coping mechanism and you’re getting triggered under stress.
  • There is a device called a chastity cage, and you pass her to a healthy resource that discusses it from the wife’s perspective (I have a good resource in that article).
• You want to explore other methods of orgasming together.

Sissy training, male chastity, and different types of kinks like orgasm control may come naturally if you explain the feelings that you need beyond the act. Let that sink in!

You Both Have Emotional Needs That Must Be Met

If your person understands your emotional needs, you will build trust by letting down your guard and opening yourself up. If you link them to a good resource that isn’t blatant pornography, but rather from a perspective that they can clearly understand, then they can make the connection on their own.

I hope you all can see the difference between this and coming to your spouse or partner with a cage in your hand.

Part of the submission (and the fun part of not knowing what’s coming) is leaving all of this up to the lady in your life!

It is solely her discretion into if, and how she will tease and fuck with you. You as the submissive must be okay with this, and must work very hard not to impose your kinks. But for any of this to happen you must not be using each other and there has to be a good level of trust.

She Needs To Understand Your Sex Drive

The more educated I become in the subject, the closer I listen in different social circles because I find it fascinating how clueless both sides are. Men don’t understand that they need to be better listeners, and more involved with their partner. Women don’t understand men and their sex drive and think they can keep him at bay for weeks, months, years without getting laid.

What a man wants is a partner who sees them and their sexuality. It isn’t something to be dismissed, or ignored, because it is biologically part of our being. We are sexual creatures that need sex!

Women, from my understanding and experience, don’t want to be objectified, used, defiled, and treated like whores. Plain and simple!

I would encourage everyone to please give a listen to a podcast called Kink Friendly. Specifically, S01E05 which discusses the Beauty of The Male Sex Drive.

A Warning To Those In Relationships That Aren’t Going Well

All of the advice on this page is geared towards people and couples that have some semblance of a good relationship. If you’ve chosen wisely, you’ll have a partner that loves you for who you are. If you’ve got someone that is using you, this will only make things worse. You’ve got to be sure you’re on solid ground before moving forward with your partner.